**This is my contribution for Trent’s Weekly Smile. It’s an awesome creative prompt to be positive – thank you Trent!**
I’m in a transition time. My partner and I split up, and the place where I’ve been staying needs to know whether I’m continuing.
I really get that with these changes, I’m being called into the same process that participants of my Self-Forgiveness and Money group will be engaging in starting in May. (It’s a 3-month group for people who want to let go of old stories about money and create more financial success—each participant chooses a project that has heart for them.)
What is next for me?
Best I know, my own financial project is a move–of abundant joy. What a great opportunity to demonstrate the program – and learn and grow – prior to the start of the group!
As a first step, I went to New York. It’s a place that feels like home to me. I’ve been pulled to check it out as a possible place to live, plus I needed a fresh perspective.
I flew last week (business class) without a clear agenda, except this: to serve, to be bold, to take care of myself, and to invest in my dreams with God as my partner. And to heal.
The funny thing is, the healing is where I still feel stuck. I made amazing contacts, went to the United Nations and shared about forgiveness (read more on that here!), and set up numerous conversations to talk about coaching. I even stayed at a place in Brooklyn – right nearby where I used to live – as a test to see if I wanted to live there. And the person I’d be living with works at the U.N.!
Yet something is missing for me. It’s the part that is grieving my partner. I miss him, even though it felt so natural to end the relationship.
To me there are no mistakes. The fact that we split up NOW as I’m preparing for the Self-forgiveness and Money group – well, I think I have a healing opportunity that will open tremendous doors.
Here’s the thing. This loss of my partner is bringing up an old memory for me of a little girl who lost her Dad. When I was 5, I was living in LA with my mom and dad and brother. I was happy and carefree, I remember dancing and expressing joy. Then, my mom and dad got divorced, she started going into mental institutions, and we moved to NY to be with my Nan. Thus was my life for the next 18 or so years.
I realize that somewhere inside of me, I grieve the loss of my old life. I have a child inside who wants her dad. From that moment on, I decided that I needed to find love out there, and that only a man could give me the life that I wanted. (Otherwise it was cold, dreary, and parent-less.) And no way was it safe to express joy.
That is a powerful decision to make. Much of my life has been influenced by it. I spent years trying to prove my worth in jobs that weren’t my heart’s calling. I looked for men who were stable and loved me so much that they wouldn’t leave. And, I didn’t buy into the belief that I could have a beautiful, abundant life.
This all began to change when I discovered Self-forgiveness. I got a Master of Spiritual Psychology and began, step by step, to know deep inside that I am love, and to create a life based on this knowing.
I began to make new outer choices that reflected my growing awareness. I got divorced, created a new life in LA, invested my money wisely, and started coaching. And, I healed an eating disorder for the last time, moving into vibrant health and self-care.
Here I am now in my next phase of choosing to go beyond my comfort zone. And a crucial step in this is for me to grieve the loss and reassure the little girl inside that I love her, that it’s ok I’m not with my partner and that I’m making a change in my living situation.
That is where Self-forgiveness comes in. It is a powerful opportunity to identify and get free from old stories that block me. To give acceptance and loving to those places inside where I bought into these beliefs. And strengthen what I know to be true.
I am so much more than where I live or what I do.
I don’t need to go to NY, although I could. I don’t need to be with a partner, although I could. All I need to do is be present in love and surrender the old beliefs to Spirit. The rest will fall into place.
And to take one step at a time centered in the fullness of who I am with my little girl at my side. 🙂
This perspective is life-changing!
I’d like to end with a wonderful quote from Shams of Tabriz, who was Rumi’s teacher. And a photo of me after my first 20 degree run in a long time!
For this week, my action is to set an intention each morning to accept what is—-the simple act of acceptance can work wonders to let go and be available to what’s next. Join me if you want to!
Have a wonderful week, everyone.
If you have a project that you want to work on, or if you’re not happy in your life and want to make a change, I invite you to reach out to me. We can talk about what you want and keys to help you. My commitment is to serve you fully – and it’s completely fine whether or not you decide to do the group!
Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org or click on the graphic below: