Today’s forgiving journal: Freeing myself from punishment

Today’s forgiving journal is freeing myself from punishment.
Oh, this blog is feeling a little hard to write. I’ve had a hard and emotional week. (This could be playing the victim, and it’s what I honestly feel right now and this is a blog where I’m real with what is present.)
I got a car, and I was initially so excited. It had been 2 months since I arrived in LA, and it’s not the easiest city to be without one! Then, I started feeling really shaky. Having a car means that I’ve really “landed” in LA. This is my home.
I didn’t really pause to take care of myself when I started feeling shaky. I just tried to push through the steps of getting it insured, getting to work, etc. Because of that, I ended up treating one of my best friends in a way that was less than loving. (She called right in the middle of all this, on a Monday morning.)
It is never too late to pause and love myself and love her. I don’t know of a better way to do this right now than forgiveness.
I forgive myself for judging myself for feeling scared to land in a new place, especially when I used to live here in a different way. I forgive myself for judging myself for not pausing to check in with me. I forgive myself for judging myself for treating my friend in a less than loving way.
I let all this go into the Light so that I may go free. I let all the upset go that I wasn’t very good to my friend, and then punished myself by not allowing myself to enjoy my car (and I forgive myself for that too!). Letting go means having my heart embrace all of me and say “It is ok”.
I am grateful that I can always take a pause, give loving to myself, and be grateful for all the blessings in my life. I am learning how to take care of myself and be a better friend to me and to others.
What is present right now is this: I may not have acted in a way that I’m proud of, and boy did I learn an immense lesson on the things that I need to do to act in loving and be the best Debbie I can be.
To my friend and most importantly to myself, I say these words of Hafiz, “May you forever bloom, for in the garden of my sight no flower I see can match your beauty flowering free.”
I love you.
ps – this is my contribution to Dutch Goes the Photo’s Photo Challenge, Land. Boy, Frank, adding an “ed” to Land really made a difference 🙂 Forgiveness abounds. Thank you.