Today’s forgiving journal: Opening my heart to family

Today’s forgiving journal is about opening my heart to family.

I’m currently staying at a place that’s like community living.  It’s really gorgeous, and it’s also bringing up a lot of old judgments around family.  Specifically about not feeling worthy to be loved and to be a part of the family.

I remember being a kid and feeling pretty ugly, and stupid, and a little off to the side, like there was something wrong with me.  And tonight, we had a tree trimming party, and I had some of the same memories coming up – like I am still that kid who doesn’t quite fit in, and it’s laughable that I try.

The thing is, when I was a kid, maybe I didn’t know better that I was worthy of love.  I do now.

Time for forgiving:

1 – I forgive myself for judging myself as unworthy of love.  I forgive myself for judging myself for needing to get the Christmas balls exactly right so that I can stay at the party. I forgive myself for feeling separate and lonely for the love that everyone else seems to have.

2 – I let go of all these judgments, and all the memories of past hurts and griefs and losses, into the Light, and I give myself a humongo hug and say, “I love you Debbie!!”

3 – I am grateful for being so aware of my process of judging and what goes on inside of me about that. I am grateful for having a family at my new home!  I am grateful for standing up inside and saying I am worthy of love.

****

When I was a little girl, I used food as a way to hide from myself and opening my heart to family. I could have done that tonight, and I didn’t.  Instead, I chose to give my little kid love best I could and to take my place in our family by simply connecting with love and a smile.

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I don’t know exactly how to end this one so I’ll just say, I love you.

Love,
Debbie

 


31 thoughts on “Today’s forgiving journal: Opening my heart to family

  1. We’re so hard on ourselves aren’t we Debbie. But I’m glad to hear you’re being kinder to yourself. It’s so important. I send you a big warm hug and lots of loving wishes. Take care xo

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I feel like the odd man out with certain groups of people. I stay away from those people mostly and spend time with others who love and accept me. Yes, forgive yourself and love who you are. Sending blessings to you, love Mary

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Debbie, I like how you showed, in a simple way, how easily we sometimes slip into a judgment about ourselves. It’s so important to reflect and recognize these types of behaviors. Light and love to you in your new experiences.

    Liked by 2 people

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