Today’s forgiving journal is about opening my heart to family.
I’m currently staying at a place that’s like community living. It’s really gorgeous, and it’s also bringing up a lot of old judgments around family. Specifically about not feeling worthy to be loved and to be a part of the family.
I remember being a kid and feeling pretty ugly, and stupid, and a little off to the side, like there was something wrong with me. And tonight, we had a tree trimming party, and I had some of the same memories coming up – like I am still that kid who doesn’t quite fit in, and it’s laughable that I try.
The thing is, when I was a kid, maybe I didn’t know better that I was worthy of love. I do now.
Time for forgiving:
1 – I forgive myself for judging myself as unworthy of love. I forgive myself for judging myself for needing to get the Christmas balls exactly right so that I can stay at the party. I forgive myself for feeling separate and lonely for the love that everyone else seems to have.
2 – I let go of all these judgments, and all the memories of past hurts and griefs and losses, into the Light, and I give myself a humongo hug and say, “I love you Debbie!!”
3 – I am grateful for being so aware of my process of judging and what goes on inside of me about that. I am grateful for having a family at my new home! I am grateful for standing up inside and saying I am worthy of love.
When I was a little girl, I used food as a way to hide from myself and opening my heart to family. I could have done that tonight, and I didn’t. Instead, I chose to give my little kid love best I could and to take my place in our family by simply connecting with love and a smile.
I don’t know exactly how to end this one so I’ll just say, I love you.