Today’s forgiving blog is to share love.
Since I was a little girl, I have wanted to receive love. Basically, I wanted something outside of myself to love me, or if not at least to fill me up inside temporarily. I’ve looked to men, friends, work, food, alcohol, cigarettes, and exercise. And actually, probably bottom line for me is, I’ve looked for control.
I’ve wanted to control the loving coming from myself, so that I didn’t love too much. I’ve wanted to control the loving coming from others, so that they (a) never left; and (b) gave me love exactly as I wanted it. It’s hard to write this, and I’ve made a commitment to not bull shit myself. So here I am.
In the blog I’m writing, a dear blogger friend asked me to post 1 – 3 quotes each day on love for three days. How perfect is that?
So my first quote is by the master, St. Francis: “Lord, grant that I might
not so much seek to be loved as to love.” What if, I can approach my life with an intention to love. Inherent in that for me, is that I don’t need what I already am. Not to say it’s not ok to want love; however, I’ve spent a lot of my life wanting this, now I’d like to check out a different approach. Go, me.
My second quote is from an inspirational friend who’s taught me a lot about standing up within myself, not giving in to addictions. His quote is: “Love is who you are.” Wow. I’m just taking that in right now — L-O-V-E is who I am. I have nowhere to seek, no one to look to, it is already in me. In fact, it is me.
I just pray to God to understand love is in me, and to learn the ability to love more greatly. On my part, I am surrendering what I thought I knew about love, to come to the truth of what love is for me. To be continued tomorrow….
I love you!
And I am grateful.