Note: this is a work in progress so may be a little rambly. Trust is something I haven’t wanted to look at. Here I am, looking….
Today’s forgiving blog is about trust.
How can I trust myself? What does that even mean?
My spiritual teacher John Morton goes to the dictionary when he wants to get back to the basics. Here’s what Webster’s says about trust (it’s one of the simple definitions, which is exactly what I was looking for):
to believe that someone or something is reliable, good, honest, effective, etc. : to have confidence in (someone or something)
So here’s my work tonight: Can I believe that I am reliable, good, honest, and effective? Can I have confidence in myself?
The answer to that is YES!
OK, so it’s not always the case, and I am choosing to look at the bright side of life, to focus my mind where I want its attention, and to step into the integrity of Debbie!! One of the ways that I do this is via forgiving.
Forgiving helps me to keep my word to myself – it’s funny, I almost can’t express why that is so in words. It’s a knowing that is beyond description. Do you have something like that for you too?
Anyway, what I do know is that it’s time for me to take it to a deeper level for myself. If there are judgments inside that have been hanging out, bring ‘em on! I’m ready to face all the parts of myself that I have denied, pushed down, hated, and otherwise judged. I’m ready to accept them, love them, and let them go. I’m ready to see myself truly, without judgment.
A pattern that is present right now to forgive is withdrawal. I can withdraw from this world when I feel scared or anxious, especially when I’m stepping into new things. I can withdraw from myself when I am scared or anxious too, especially when I don’t see a way out. I can withdraw for a lot of reasons, and the part that really gets me, is that I judge myself on top of that. So right now, I forgive it all. And I forgive myself for judging all the people in my life who have withdrawn from me.
Tomorrow is another day. And I did just fine today.
I want to say one more thing. I trust in my inner knowing to show me how to love and that is the truth.
Thanks for being here. I love you!
ps – I used to have stepdaughters (who I still love a lot). They told me jokes, and I think it is quite important to have some fun. So here’s a riddle: What’s cheese that isn’t yours?
Answer: Nacho cheese!!!