Hi everyone and happy Forgiving Fridays!!
I had a pretty amazing realization about my mom who was murdered a number of years ago. Here it is:
When this whole corona virus started, I got into action. I was like, “What can I do?” “How can I serve?” and did a whole bunch of things to share about forgiveness. (Which is great.). And then, I fell…I got so tired, and was aching to rest and to get creative and go inside to meditate and play piano and read poetry and be with me.
I realized that I did the same pattern after my mom died. When I first found out she was murdered, boy did I get into action. I did Self-forgiveness workshops, I moved cross country, I started a new spiritual career…you name it. All of these things were GOOD, and I got so much from them, as did others I believe. And then yesterday, I got a phone call.
It was from a client’s husband, who told me that my client may be in process of transitioning (she has Stage IV stomach cancer). I got so upset, and started crying. I realized it was touching into a place inside that got the call that my mom died.
At that time, I couldn’t handle the grief that came up. And, now I can. Partly because of time (it really makes a difference, right?), and partly because of the incredible foundation I’ve built for myself––of taking care of ME, of slowing down to accept all of my feelings, thoughts, and patterns. And deeply connecting with the love of who I am through this self-care, and the regular practice of forgiving the judgments I had against my mom, and her murderer, and most importantly, myself.
The thing that was really cool is that experiencing this grief more fully allowed me to let go of a long-standing judgment that my mom should have loved me differently. I really got inside that she loved me exactly the way she did, and it was perfect. I let her go inside, or rather the blame I was holding onto. I don’t need it anymore, because (a) I love me the way I wished she would, and (b) she is always with me inside of my heart.
Sacred movement feels like a better phrase to me than “lockdown” for this time––I find myself moving through obstacles like this regularly and uplifting into higher spiritual awakening. Truly, what a blessing in the midst of a lot of suffering, and however this all plays out, I have full confidence that love will be more evident in this new world. It certainly is inside of me. 🙂
I love you all and send you so many blessings at this time.
ps – this is my contribution to Dutch Goes the Photo’s photo challenge, hope. Frank, I hope that you and your wife and doing well during this time, and thank you for such a beautiful topic for the week