Today’s forgiving journal is about saying goodbye.
Well, I decided to move to LA. I’m clear about doing this. I’m also feeling sad about saying goodbye in regards to NY.
I have a little frown on my face, like I feel around 5 years old. That’s the time when my mom and dad split up and I moved from CA to NY! I’m aware that this was not an easy time for me.
I’m also aware that it’s easy to distract myself from the path I’ve chosen. (Like I’m looking at other possibilities … things I know in my heart aren’t on purpose for me.) I have an intuition I’m doing this in part to avoid the memories that are coming up.
I felt like it was my fault. I felt like moving to NY opened a big void. I would have to leave my home.
Time for forgiveness:
1 – Self-forgiveness: I forgive myself for judging that my parents’ divorce was because of me. I forgive myself for judging myself for not wanting to step into a void. I forgive myself for any shame present with these memories inside of me.
2 – Letting go: I am not willing to hurt myself any more. From this place, I just let go of my hurt, my shame and upset, my sense of grief and loss into this big ol’ bowl of peace!!! I see doves bringing me peace, calm, and understanding.
3 – Gratitude: Nurturing is a big focus for me right now. I am so grateful for that – I feel held by me. I am also grateful for the many awesome choices I have in my life. What a blessing! And I am grateful for that 5 year old kid, who loves me and tells me what’s going on for her. You go, girl.
What I’m present to is the utmost commitment to doing the best I can to follow my heart, look for the good, and take care of myself. I can serve anywhere that I live, and that starts right with the loving and the joy inside of me.
I may feel sad, and I can handle it. I hold my hand every step of the way.
I love you.
ps – this post is my contribution for Dutch Goes the Photo’s challenge this week, candy. Frank, my candy is love. (Creative license? OK yes 🙂 Hope that’s ok!)