Today’s forgiving journal is about really seeing me.
I had a forgiving circle with a good friend today. We explored a question something like, What is the deepest level of Self-forgiving I can do right now? I really went for it, and what I realized is this: the very thing that I worried about someone doing to me (like hurting me….not loving me), I was the one doing it to the people I care about!!!
I had been telling a story all these years, because I didn’t really want to look at the fact that I had trouble really being present with those I love deeply. It felt so good to see this, to finally finally look at what was going on inside of me with this pattern. It was like I was seeing a part of me for the first time.
I’m still a little raw, so I’m going to do my forgiving process. First though, here is a quote from my spiritual teacher John-Roger to guide my way:
“It takes great courage to see the face of God because you first have to look at your own.” –John-Roger
Here we go:
1 – Self-forgiveness: I forgive myself for judging myself for all the times I didn’t let someone care about me. I forgive myself for judging myself for feeling ashamed at how I’ve acted in relationship. I forgive myself for judging myself for not wanting to accept this face of me, not wanting to see it even.
2 – Letting go: I put all this judging into the Light hopper and give it over for the very highest good! 🙂
3 – Gratitude: I am grateful that I CAN look at my own face and be OK. I am grateful for the relationships where I feel really accepted and loved for who I am. I am grateful for being safe inside of me.
Whew, what a day. I give myself two huge thumbs up for having the courage to look inside and see me.
I love you.