Today’s forgiving journal is about slowing down.
This morning, I tweeted a quote from my spiritual teacher. It happens to be from a book on forgiveness!
“The physical world will always be a reflection. The inner world will always be a reality.”~John-Roger (From: Forgiveness, The Key to the Kingdom)
One would think perhaps this would help me get the hint.
Well, it did and it didn’t. I mean, I meditated this morning, I did some service work, I even stopped a few times to take in my surroundings and asked myself how I can choose love right in that moment. And I also just did a lot today to take me out of the moment, too much coffee, too much thinking, too much cutting myself off from what was happening inside of me.
It wasn’t until I spoke with a friend that I really got it. She was mentioning for me just to stay put where I am in NY, instead of flying back and forth to LA (where I lived before this). I reacted with a healthy dose of resistance. Undaunted, she just loved me. And I relaxed and realized, wow! I’d just been through a pretty big loss (details don’t matter). I could truly provide myself a rest, a place inside to heal and to regroup and to just integrate my learnings gently, with love.
So here I am. Just present. Or, well, at least more present than I was before. I am tuning inside, best I can. I am giving myself space to just be with myself. I am …. Doing the very best I can to slow down.
I am remembering now that when we slow down, we can truly listen within for that still, small voice that tells us the truth. I guess I am really ready to listen.
I forgive myself for judging myself for wanting to distract myself from myself. I forgive myself for judging myself for feeling a little scared I forgive myself for judging myself for not trusting myself to get through the moments of despair and feelings of loss. I give this all over to the loving so that I may step free. And I am smiling RIGHT NOW in gratitude. Whew.
In my Practical Treatise that I did for my Doctoral degree, I had 3 steps to forgiving: (1) forgive myself; (2) letting go; and (3) gratitude. I wrote them down each day.
I am slowing down that I might finally receive the gift of this forgiving process, even if it’s uncomfortable. I’m ok with myself that it’s taken me this long (it’s been a few years), because I am doing it now. And for this, I give my thankfulness.
Blessings to us all! I’d love to hear how you do with this forgiving process if you would like to share.