Today’s Forgiveness Blog: Resistance is futile

I came back to NY today after being away for 4 days.  It was tough.  I experienced a range of emotions as I walked through the tunnel to the subway.  As time wore on, I started using things to feel comfortable – ice cream, computer surfing, tuning out…. I just fully realized how much I was doing that in the past few minutes.

As I realized this, at first I felt bad, then I felt resistance.  Like “uch, I don’t really want to write my forgiveness blog.” And come back to the land of the living.  Now, I mostly feel compassion, and even a little smile.  Resistance is futile, because it just is. I’ll always return to conscious awareness and that is what is safe and true, even if I don’t get it.

In part, I’m not 100% sure what I’m writing, except some part of me is.  Does that make sense?

I forgive myself for judging myself for resisting life.   I forgive myself for judging myself for feeling a lot of hurt associated with my life right now.  I forgive myself for judging myself for not wanting to reveal all of this on Facebook.  Or to myself.  I give it all over to God and I ask for help to love this too.

Resistance is futile because the loving is what sustains me and nourishes me.  I may feel sad and the loving enfolds it.  I may not want to be present and the loving waits patiently for me.

I choose to love it and welcome myself home best I can which is really good.

That’s enough for today.  Love, love, love, Debbie