Today’s Forgiveness Blog: Resistance is futile
I came back to NY today after being away for 4 days. It was tough. I experienced a range of emotions as I walked through the tunnel to the subway. As time wore on, I started using things to feel comfortable – ice cream, computer surfing, tuning out…. I just fully realized how much I was doing that in the past few minutes.
As I realized this, at first I felt bad, then I felt resistance. Like “uch, I don’t really want to write my forgiveness blog.” And come back to the land of the living. Now, I mostly feel compassion, and even a little smile. Resistance is futile, because it just is. I’ll always return to conscious awareness and that is what is safe and true, even if I don’t get it.
In part, I’m not 100% sure what I’m writing, except some part of me is. Does that make sense?
I forgive myself for judging myself for resisting life. I forgive myself for judging myself for feeling a lot of hurt associated with my life right now. I forgive myself for judging myself for not wanting to reveal all of this on Facebook. Or to myself. I give it all over to God and I ask for help to love this too.
Resistance is futile because the loving is what sustains me and nourishes me. I may feel sad and the loving enfolds it. I may not want to be present and the loving waits patiently for me.
I choose to love it and welcome myself home best I can which is really good.
That’s enough for today. Love, love, love, Debbie