Today’s Forgiving Fridays: Holding My Hand Through Hard News

Hi everyone,

Happy #ForgivingFridays!

I do this Forgiving Fridays series once per month to encourage you to forgive, to let go, and to make peace with yourself––in all areas of your life.  Feel free to contribute your experiences, stories, photos, video, poetry…whatever connects you to the blessing of forgiveness. Simply tag this post & include #ForgivingFridays in your tags.

Below my post are contributions for #ForgivingFridays from this past month!

Yesterday, I got a phone call from my Dad’s lawyer.

He was in an assisted living facility, after being in ICU for a period of time.  And, his home is unlivable. (i.e., it’s a hazard zone.). This was an incredible shock to hear.

After being on the phone much of the day, I found out that my dad’s home was full of junk, with a hole in the ceiling and more that I won’t go into here.  And, he’d stopped eating so he became weak and deficient in a number of nutrients.

I cried a lot.  I don’t know what else to say except to share this…

A flood of memories came back to me over the day, and I realized that this situation is an opportunity––a gift, even if it doesn’t seem that way––to heal old memories.  I’d had numerous judgments about me, and my dad, that I’ve let go of over the years, and yet something still remained for me.

I still have a kid living inside of me who thinks that I am responsible for my Dad.  That somehow, I should have taken better care of him and been a better daughter.  If I’d only done this, he would love me the way I yearned for (through my teenage years especially!). And, even though I have made peace inside, I have an important next step now:  to tell that little one that it wasn’t her fault, that she didn’t do anything wrong, that Mom and Dad were working things out that had nothing to do with her …. And most important, to tell her that I am with her.  Always.

This is often called “healing of memories” in the spiritual psychology work I did at the University of Santa Monica.  The essence is talking to that younger part who feels hurt and bought into beliefs that aren’t true or supportive (e.g., I did something wrong, I’m not lovable, I am responsible for others, etc.).  It starts with allowing the hurt to come forward and holding a container for that little one to know it’s ok to let go––and move on.

The thing about my Dad is he taught me so much about how to be grateful for people as they are, not as I want them to be.  I remember saying “thank you” to a photo of my Dad and stepmom for years to build an energy of gratitude and grace.

Once again, Dad, thank you.

Here’s a photo of me and my Dad in 2013, when he came down to my home in Santa Monica:

 

***

And, I’d like to contribute to Frank’s Weekly Photo Challenge––which for this week is technology (it’s what brought us all here right?!)

Here’s a photo of me with my BRAND NEW Mac.  It’s what I plan to do all of my forgiveness blogs on, see my coaching clients, and otherwise spread the love. 🙂  What a beautiful avenue to connect.

 

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Have a wonderful weekend. I love you.

Love,

Debbie

#FORGIVINGFRIDAYS POSTS FOR THE LAST MONTH:

Etta of Simply Etta D. did two blog posts: (1) one on cultivating the art of happiness––with great tips to do in our lives and (2) a second on the passing of her Aunt Carla and how she learned to sing and celebrate life in the now!

DeB of Roaming Urban Gypsy contributed a beautiful sharing of her experience with letting go of the past and sharing her gifts as an artist.  And a great photo of her!!

Frank of Poetry, Short Prose and Walking  wrote a poem that expresses the depth of forgiveness beyond the words ––they are only a part of life.  There is such loving in his poetry!

Ali of Flashlight Batteries contributed a poem of courage to reach beyond what is expected, or even our genetics, and extend ourselves into higher consciousness. So inspiring!

Jennie of A Teacher’s Reflections shared an incredible story of a crossing guard who reaches to kids who don’t want to talk or are surly and withdrawn.  This a shining demonstration of caring in action!

Anita of Healing Words contributed a great post on advice to her younger self.  She includes a creative slideshow full of wisdom––e.g., kindness, looking inside for wisdom, stillness, & empathy!

And from last month…

Pragalbha of Infinite Living shared two posts: (1) a poem that elegantly describes relationships based on unconditional loving and (2) a process to help her release self-judgments and be more confortable with herself—it includes pausing to be still.  Beautiful!

Revived Writer wrote a poem on embracing new beginnings – and how no matter what is happening, joy is always present and being created anew.  Amazing writing!

 

Here are the guidelines of #ForgivingFridays:  

  • Every day is Friday!  Do a post today or anytime this week.
  • Be creative – there’s LOTS of space for your expression! Write a poem, take a photo, post a quote, share your story …  what opens your heart?
  • Include #ForgivingFridays in your tags
  • Create a pingback link to this post so I can find you.
  • Have fun – you are awesome!

 

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29 thoughts on “Today’s Forgiving Fridays: Holding My Hand Through Hard News

    1. You are so welcome. Glad that you found it helpful. I’ve done #ForgivingFridays for a few years now––such a good focus to let go. 🙂

      It’s lovely to connect with you!
      Blessings.
      Debbie

      Like

  1. Your experience with your Dad is very touching to me and the healing you have given to yourself, especially your little self. Thank you for sharing. God bless you Dad, and you, and the blessings of being who you both are. With loving and Light.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Anne, this means so much to me. Thank you for your caring, of my little self and of my Dad. It was a profound letting go.

      I spoke with him on Saturday. He’s stable and doing ok.

      I love you––grateful to be continuing to walk this path of forgiving with you Anne!
      Love and Light,
      Debbie

      Like

  2. Your words brought back some of the feelings/thoughts I experienced when my father passed away…before he entered hospital 6 weeks before his passing, a nurse reminded me that Dad was an adult, making his way the best way he could in the world…as a daughter and caregiver, my only true responsibility was to make sure he was safe, the rest was up to him. Doing this made sense and I believe it helped me through the grieving process…I love the picture of you and your Dad, it’s brought back some tender memories for me. I hope his journey going forward will be bathed in kindness…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Kimberlee, thank you! I so appreciate you sharing your experience with you and your Dad. ❤ What the caregiver told you is beautiful. I think about you and am sending a lot of love your way. Know that.

      My Dad is settled in a care facility and sounds pretty happy.

      Be well, Kimberlee. I am always available if you want to talk. Blessings!!
      ~Debbie

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Debbie, I’m sorry to hear about your dad. The practice you’ve described sounds like something I had to do to be able to live as an adult, as opposed to an adult, who was stuck at the age of 16 for a while.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Kathy. I appreciate you and all the work you’ve done on yourself. You have a wise perspective on life! ❤ So glad that you're here––your presence adds a lot to my blog.

      My Dad is settled into a care facility, and I've been wrapping up a transition from working at a spiritual org to full-time coaching. It’s been quite a ride and am catching up on my blog! 🙂

      Have a beautiful Memorial Day, Kathy.
      Love,
      Debbie

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much, Frank. My dad is stabilized in a care facility––and I am grateful for the learnings.

      And, thank you again for your contributions to Forgiving Fridays. Your poetry and reflections are truly uplifting. Blessings to you Frank!!
      Debbie ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Thank you for including my post, Debbie. Your story of your father is a timeless one. When we can understand, which means looking at past generations and different circumstances, then we can forgive. Best to you, Debbie.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Jennie, you are so welcome. I loved your post about Steve, the crossing guard. He touches so many kids with his kindness and genuine caring about them. ❤

      Thank you for your comments about my Dad. You have such an empathetic presence. He's currently in a care facility––just moved there on Thursday and it's a good place for him to be.

      I also just left a part-time position in a spiritual organization, where I've worked for 12 or so years! So, it's been quite an adventure these last few weeks, and so fulfilling and full of love.

      Blessings to you Jennie. Hope you are having a beautiful holiday weekend.
      Debbie

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Wow! You have had many changes to face, yet you always see the bright side, or the side with good possibilities. Hats off to your strong and positive attitude. I hope your father is comfortable and doing well. May the adventures be full of strength and happiness. Best to you, Debbie.

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    1. Hi Miriam,
      I’m sorry for the delay in responding. It’s been quite a time, with my Dad and also with my transition out of a position at a spiritual organization––I’m now coaching full-time.

      My Dad is settled at a really good care facility, and I’ve spoken with him (and the placement officer) a number of times. He didn’t want my brother or me to visit right now. I plan to go over the summer.

      Thank you so much for your caring! ❤ Blessings to you, Miriam.
      Love,
      Debbie

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s good that you Dad is settled. He must feels good enough not to have you or your brother to visit at this time. Summer is soon enough.

        I hope your full-time coaching works out for you.

        Blessings and love to you, Debbie.

        Have a wonderful weekend, Miriam ❤

        Like

    1. Mary, thank you so much! He’s doing pretty well––his health is stabilized, and he is thriving with the attention. 🙂 I hope you’re doing well, and I’m sending you a lot of love. (As I write this, I have a big smile on my face.)

      Have a great Memorial Day weekend!!
      Love and Blessings,
      Debbie

      Like

  5. I’m so sorry about your dad, and the situation you’re having to deal with.
    Seeing the situation as a way to heal old memories is such a powerful thing. Even though you can see that you’re not totally responsible for your dad, that you’ve done and are doing all that you can, that your thoughts of ‘if I’d done this then…’ aren’t realistic, it’s not easy to let them go. “Healing of memories”, that’s such a comforting, nourishing way to view it and something a lot of us probably would benefit from doing in some way. Finding the things to be grateful for can be incredibly helpful in the process. That’s a lovely photo of you & your dad  ♥

    Like

  6. Oh my. So timely yet so tough – the healing memories…. Reaching through the protective coating created for so long can be the toughest of all.
    I admire your courage.
    (and congrats on the new Mac – inspiring place to create!)

    Like

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