Happy Forgiving Fridays! A new perspective on love from my mom’s murder <3

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Hi everyone and happy Forgiving Fridays!!

I had a pretty amazing realization about my mom who was murdered a number of years ago. Here it is:

When this whole corona virus started, I got into action. I was like, “What can I do?” “How can I serve?” and did a whole bunch of things to share about forgiveness. (Which is great.). And then, I fell…I got so tired, and was aching to rest and to get creative and go inside to meditate and play piano and read poetry and be with me.

I realized that I did the same pattern after my mom died. When I first found out she was murdered, boy did I get into action. I did Self-forgiveness workshops, I moved cross country, I started a new spiritual career…you name it. All of these things were GOOD, and I got so much from them, as did others I believe. And then yesterday, I got a phone call.

It was from a client’s husband, who told me that my client may be in process of transitioning (she has Stage IV stomach cancer). I got so upset, and started crying. I realized it was touching into a place inside that got the call that my mom died.

At that time, I couldn’t handle the grief that came up.  And, now I can.  Partly because of time (it really makes a difference, right?), and partly because of the incredible foundation I’ve built for myself––of taking care of ME, of slowing down to accept all of my feelings, thoughts, and patterns.  And deeply connecting with the love of who I am through this self-care, and the regular practice of forgiving the judgments I had against my mom, and her murderer, and most importantly, myself.

The thing that was really cool is that experiencing this grief more fully allowed me to let go of a long-standing judgment that my mom should have loved me differently.  I really got inside that she loved me exactly the way she did, and it was perfect.  I let her go inside, or rather the blame I was holding onto.  I don’t need it anymore, because (a) I love me the way I wished she would, and (b) she is always with me inside of my heart.

Sacred movement feels like a better phrase to me than “lockdown” for this time––I find myself moving through obstacles like this regularly and uplifting into higher spiritual awakening.  Truly, what a blessing in the midst of a lot of suffering, and however this all plays out, I have full confidence that love will be more evident in this new world.  It certainly is inside of me. 🙂

I love you all and send you so many blessings at this time.

With loving,

Debbie

ps – this is my contribution to Dutch Goes the Photo’s photo challenge, hope.  Frank, I hope that you and your wife and doing well during this time, and thank you for such a beautiful topic for the week

 

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10 thoughts on “Happy Forgiving Fridays! A new perspective on love from my mom’s murder <3

  1. Thank you for sharing, Debbie. 🙂 ❤ I can relate to wishing that my mom / dad had loved me differently. There's still some resentment there, brought to the surface often, since I still live with them. However, time and learning to find it in other places, including myself and God, has healed many wounds.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Jenna!! This is beautiful. It sounds like you’re giving yourself a lot of acceptance and gentle kindness. Looking inside for Self-love is a powerful key to freedom and opening to love.

      You’re reminding me of a Facebook video that I did recently on Self-compassion. Let me know if you’d like to see it, and I’ll send it to you! (It includes a meditation and simple questions you can ask to be good to yourself as you go through your day.)

      Blessings to you Jenna, and take good care of yourself, especially at this time ❤ . Lovely to hear from you!
      Debbie

      Liked by 1 person

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