Today’s Forgiving Fridays: Self-Forgiveness and Relationship


Hi everyone,

Happy #ForgivingFridays!

I do this Forgiving Fridays series once per month to encourage you to forgive, to let go, and to make peace with yourself––in all areas of your life.  Feel free to contribute your experiences, stories, photos, video, poetry…whatever connects you to the blessing of forgiveness. Simply tag this post & include #ForgivingFridays in your tags.

Below my post are contributions for #ForgivingFridays from this past month!

My post today is about letting go of old stories about relationship and expanding into more of who I truly am.  (Plus a surprise poem at the end!)

I’m about to go to NYC today.  It reminds me of being a little girl, moving to NY after my mom and Dad split up in their divorce.  I moved to NY from California, and it felt so unknown to me.

I made up a story at that time that the divorce was my fault.  That my behavior can have catastrophic results on relationship––in fact, it can break two people up.  And, I watch myself doing that now with my partner.

He came back into my life after months of being apart (yay), and I’m watching myself and exploring what I’m doing and why.  This is such an important inquiry!

The biggest learning that I have so far is what happens when I do or say something “wrong”.  I blame myself and get panicked that he won’t love me anymore.  I think this is so ingrained I’m not even fully aware of what the effects are.

Right now, I want to cry.  See, that’s the thing about old stories––sometimes they really need attention to heal and release what no longer serves.

I have a belief that my behavior in relationship will result in the ending of love in my life.  I’ve done so much work on myself, and so far, this belief is still present.  AND HOW OK IS THAT?  It just means that I have more loving to do!

The truth is, it’s ok to get messy in relationship.  It’s ok to bring old stories in, and to react when I don’t mean to.  It’s ok to be me in all of my humanness!  That is a part of relationship, and it’s even ok when someone “leaves” because I learn from that too.

The key thing is that to err is human, to love is divine.  Forgiveness is the bridge to this.

Forgiveness for me is not really about me forgiving my partner, or my own behavior––because there is nothing “wrong” in any of it.  It’s me forgiving myself for placing a judgment and separating from my own loving.  For forgetting who I am and to see myself and my life through the lens of that wholeness.

I use a simple phrase when I do this: “I forgive myself for judging myself or XX as….”  This allows me to forgive the judgment and open my heart to the truth.

In this case, I forgive myself for judging myself as wrong for getting messy in relationship.  I forgive myself for judging myself for getting angry when I didn’t mean to.  I forgive myself for judging myself as unlovable and alone because my Dad didn’t follow me to NY when I was a kid.

The truth is: I am ok exactly as I am, and I am learning and growing in perfect ways in this relationship.  My mom and dad had their own lessons to learn, and I had nothing to do with their divorce––nothing.  My dad is a beautiful man, and so is David, and they are not my source for love.  I am.

Forgiveness is a key to get free of old stories that are holding you back. Here is a video I did at the airport to NY with four simple steps to forgive.  I invite you to join me and try them out and see how they work for you!

To watch, click here:



And, I’d like to contribute to Frank’s Weekly Photo Challenge––which for this week is  Ancient.

Here’s a photo I took laying on the grass at a beautiful ancient forest in Lake Arrowhead.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

I was with my partner, and I wrote this poem while visiting:


Oh, as I walk,

walk and walk, there

is no end, to the





              S in

my mind, they

stop. As the Spirit

comes + says, “It is


of love.”



Have a wonderful weekend. I love you.



ps Feel free to email me with your experiences, or with questions on forgiveness, at  Happy to help!


Etta of Simply Etta D. did blog posts every week!  Here’s a summary: (1) one on how to stay in our strength when people are saying bullying remarks, (2) a second on the power of optimism to change our entire outlook (with fantastic quotes, e.g., from Helen Keller) (3) a third on practical and simple keys to achieving your goals; and (4) a fourth one on the sacred importance of “micro-connections” to open our hearts to what’s truly meaningful for us!

DeB of Roaming Urban Gypsy contributed beautiful posts, e.g., one about a Day of Hope in Bethesda with a collage of photos from the event, and another with highlights of Brooklyn street art done by the gifted and talented students at a local high school.  Thanks, DeB!

Revived Writer wrote a poem on how forgiveness unlocks our hearts and opens us to love. I experiencee such vulnerability and openness and loving simply by reading it!   

Pragalbha of Infinite Living shared a beautiful quote and image on how she loves herself as she is––and wishes the same for each of us.  What an exquisite demonstration of self-love! 

Nichol of A Kinder Way is back to blogging at WordPress and shares how she learned the importance of taking breaks––and being kind to herself. Welcome back Nichol!

Donna of Wind Kisses gave us a delightful post on how two friends’ requests came at perfect timing.  She includes so many gems on listening and learning and loving.  Plus a great blog title!

And from last month…

Frank of Poetry, Short Prose and Walking  wrote a poem that expresses the depth of forgiveness beyond the words ––they are only a part of life.  There is such loving in his poetry!

Ali of Flashlight Batteries contributed a poem of courage to reach beyond what is expected, or even our genetics, and extend ourselves into higher consciousness. So inspiring!


Here are the guidelines of #ForgivingFridays:  

  • Every day is Friday!  Do a post today or anytime this week.
  • Be creative – there’s LOTS of space for your expression! Write a poem, take a photo, post a quote, share your story …  what opens your heart?
  • Include #ForgivingFridays in your tags
  • Create a pingback link to this post so I can find you.
  • Have fun – you are awesome!


Forgiving Fridays banner


13 thoughts on “Today’s Forgiving Fridays: Self-Forgiveness and Relationship

  1. Allowing old stories and creating new ones in our heads are hard habits to break. I am finding mindfulness meditation and bringing myself to the present, to observe what is going on in my head, rather than reacting and letting the stories and feeling spiral out of control in that endless feedback loop, helps immensely – not easy, but I can forgive myself and try again!


  2. Hi, Debbie,
    I love what you say about forgiveness being the bridge between a “mistake” (I put it in quotes because sometimes what we think is a mistake isn’t really), and love.


  3. Debbie,
    What a beautiful gift of love wrapped up with a poem as the bow. Thanks for sharing your path. I think there are many people who have this belief – “I have a belief that my behavior in relationship will result in the ending of love in my life.” We are afraid that we will be abandoned and unloved. But we are already loved.
    Thanks for sharing my poems on your site. I hope they will provide encouragement and connection especially for those that are struggling to move forward. I write as a gift to let people know they aren’t alone in their feelings.
    Keep being the amazing light that you are in the world.


  4. I think you’ve done wonderfully with this post, in sharing some of your own story and in raising some excellent points. “It’s ok to be me in all of my humanness!” – I also think that’s very true and important to remember because healing and forgiving is a continual work in progress, we don’t always get it ‘right’ or react the way we wished we had, but it’s about learning and growing from it all. I love the creativity in your poem, too. As always, a thoroughly compassionate, encouraging post. Have a safe trip to NYC!  ♥
    Caz xx


  5. Your post each time is such a gift offering this deep level of forgiveness without judgment for self, it truly brings so much gentleness to all the messiness and often brutalness of these internal life processes. Beautiful and so truthful as always!


  6. Debbie, I nodded in agreement throughout this entire post. Thank you for sharing. We all make up stories as we’re growing up, especially if something “negative” has occurred. It’s so wonderful to let those narratives go and begin to see reality.


  7. I agree that you should be your own source of happiness. Do not depend it on other people. Healing is a process and I hope we both make it through 🙂


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