Today’s Forgiving Fridays: Holding My Hand Through Hard News

Posted on by Forgiving Connects

Hi everyone,

Happy #ForgivingFridays!

I do this Forgiving Fridays series once per month to encourage you to forgive, to let go, and to make peace with yourself––in all areas of your life.  Feel free to contribute your experiences, stories, photos, video, poetry…whatever connects you to the blessing of forgiveness. Simply tag this post & include #ForgivingFridays in your tags.

Below my post are contributions for #ForgivingFridays from this past month!

❤

Yesterday, I got a phone call from my Dad’s lawyer.

He was in an assisted living facility, after being in ICU for a period of time.  And, his home is unlivable. (i.e., it’s a hazard zone.). This was an incredible shock to hear.

After being on the phone much of the day, I found out that my dad’s home was full of junk, with a hole in the ceiling and more that I won’t go into here.  And, he’d stopped eating so he became weak and deficient in a number of nutrients.

I cried a lot.  I don’t know what else to say except to share this…

A flood of memories came back to me over the day, and I realized that this situation is an opportunity––a gift, even if it doesn’t seem that way––to heal old memories.  I’d had numerous judgments about me, and my dad, that I’ve let go of over the years, and yet something still remained for me.

I still have a kid living inside of me who thinks that I am responsible for my Dad.  That somehow, I should have taken better care of him and been a better daughter.  If I’d only done this, he would love me the way I yearned for (through my teenage years especially!). And, even though I have made peace inside, I have an important next step now:  to tell that little one that it wasn’t her fault, that she didn’t do anything wrong, that Mom and Dad were working things out that had nothing to do with her …. And most important, to tell her that I am with her.  Always.

This is often called “healing of memories” in the spiritual psychology work I did at the University of Santa Monica.  The essence is talking to that younger part who feels hurt and bought into beliefs that aren’t true or supportive (e.g., I did something wrong, I’m not lovable, I am responsible for others, etc.).  It starts with allowing the hurt to come forward and holding a container for that little one to know it’s ok to let go––and move on.

The thing about my Dad is he taught me so much about how to be grateful for people as they are, not as I want them to be.  I remember saying “thank you” to a photo of my Dad and stepmom for years to build an energy of gratitude and grace.

Once again, Dad, thank you.

Here’s a photo of me and my Dad in 2013, when he came down to my home in Santa Monica:

 

***

And, I’d like to contribute to Frank’s Weekly Photo Challenge––which for this week is technology (it’s what brought us all here right?!)

Here’s a photo of me with my BRAND NEW Mac.  It’s what I plan to do all of my forgiveness blogs on, see my coaching clients, and otherwise spread the love. 🙂  What a beautiful avenue to connect.

 

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Have a wonderful weekend. I love you.

Love,

Debbie

❤

#FORGIVINGFRIDAYS POSTS FOR THE LAST MONTH:

Etta of Simply Etta D. did two blog posts: (1) one on cultivating the art of happiness––with great tips to do in our lives and (2) a second on the passing of her Aunt Carla and how she learned to sing and celebrate life in the now!

DeB of Roaming Urban Gypsy contributed a beautiful sharing of her experience with letting go of the past and sharing her gifts as an artist.  And a great photo of her!!

Frank of Poetry, Short Prose and Walking  wrote a poem that expresses the depth of forgiveness beyond the words ––they are only a part of life.  There is such loving in his poetry!

Ali of Flashlight Batteries contributed a poem of courage to reach beyond what is expected, or even our genetics, and extend ourselves into higher consciousness. So inspiring!

Jennie of A Teacher’s Reflections shared an incredible story of a crossing guard who reaches to kids who don’t want to talk or are surly and withdrawn.  This a shining demonstration of caring in action!

Anita of Healing Words contributed a great post on advice to her younger self.  She includes a creative slideshow full of wisdom––e.g., kindness, looking inside for wisdom, stillness, & empathy!

And from last month…

Pragalbha of Infinite Living shared two posts: (1) a poem that elegantly describes relationships based on unconditional loving and (2) a process to help her release self-judgments and be more confortable with herself—it includes pausing to be still.  Beautiful!

Revived Writer wrote a poem on embracing new beginnings – and how no matter what is happening, joy is always present and being created anew.  Amazing writing!

 

Here are the guidelines of #ForgivingFridays:  

  • Every day is Friday!  Do a post today or anytime this week.
  • Be creative – there’s LOTS of space for your expression! Write a poem, take a photo, post a quote, share your story …  what opens your heart?
  • Include #ForgivingFridays in your tags
  • Create a pingback link to this post so I can find you.
  • Have fun – you are awesome!

 

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59 thoughts on “Today’s Forgiving Fridays: Holding My Hand Through Hard News”

    1. You are so welcome. Glad that you found it helpful. I’ve done #ForgivingFridays for a few years now––such a good focus to let go. 🙂

      It’s lovely to connect with you!
      Blessings.
      Debbie

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  2. Your experience with your Dad is very touching to me and the healing you have given to yourself, especially your little self. Thank you for sharing. God bless you Dad, and you, and the blessings of being who you both are. With loving and Light.

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    1. Anne, this means so much to me. Thank you for your caring, of my little self and of my Dad. It was a profound letting go.

      I spoke with him on Saturday. He’s stable and doing ok.

      I love you––grateful to be continuing to walk this path of forgiving with you Anne!
      Love and Light,
      Debbie

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      Reply

  3. Your words brought back some of the feelings/thoughts I experienced when my father passed away…before he entered hospital 6 weeks before his passing, a nurse reminded me that Dad was an adult, making his way the best way he could in the world…as a daughter and caregiver, my only true responsibility was to make sure he was safe, the rest was up to him. Doing this made sense and I believe it helped me through the grieving process…I love the picture of you and your Dad, it’s brought back some tender memories for me. I hope his journey going forward will be bathed in kindness…

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    1. Kimberlee, thank you! I so appreciate you sharing your experience with you and your Dad. ❤ What the caregiver told you is beautiful. I think about you and am sending a lot of love your way. Know that.

      My Dad is settled in a care facility and sounds pretty happy.

      Be well, Kimberlee. I am always available if you want to talk. Blessings!!
      ~Debbie

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  4. Debbie, I’m sorry to hear about your dad. The practice you’ve described sounds like something I had to do to be able to live as an adult, as opposed to an adult, who was stuck at the age of 16 for a while.

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    1. Thank you, Kathy. I appreciate you and all the work you’ve done on yourself. You have a wise perspective on life! ❤ So glad that you're here––your presence adds a lot to my blog.

      My Dad is settled into a care facility, and I've been wrapping up a transition from working at a spiritual org to full-time coaching. It’s been quite a ride and am catching up on my blog! 🙂

      Have a beautiful Memorial Day, Kathy.
      Love,
      Debbie

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    1. Thank you so much, Frank. My dad is stabilized in a care facility––and I am grateful for the learnings.

      And, thank you again for your contributions to Forgiving Fridays. Your poetry and reflections are truly uplifting. Blessings to you Frank!!
      Debbie ❤

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  6. Thank you for including my post, Debbie. Your story of your father is a timeless one. When we can understand, which means looking at past generations and different circumstances, then we can forgive. Best to you, Debbie.

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    1. Jennie, you are so welcome. I loved your post about Steve, the crossing guard. He touches so many kids with his kindness and genuine caring about them. ❤

      Thank you for your comments about my Dad. You have such an empathetic presence. He's currently in a care facility––just moved there on Thursday and it's a good place for him to be.

      I also just left a part-time position in a spiritual organization, where I've worked for 12 or so years! So, it's been quite an adventure these last few weeks, and so fulfilling and full of love.

      Blessings to you Jennie. Hope you are having a beautiful holiday weekend.
      Debbie

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      1. Wow! You have had many changes to face, yet you always see the bright side, or the side with good possibilities. Hats off to your strong and positive attitude. I hope your father is comfortable and doing well. May the adventures be full of strength and happiness. Best to you, Debbie.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Miriam,
      I’m sorry for the delay in responding. It’s been quite a time, with my Dad and also with my transition out of a position at a spiritual organization––I’m now coaching full-time.

      My Dad is settled at a really good care facility, and I’ve spoken with him (and the placement officer) a number of times. He didn’t want my brother or me to visit right now. I plan to go over the summer.

      Thank you so much for your caring! ❤ Blessings to you, Miriam.
      Love,
      Debbie

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      1. It’s good that you Dad is settled. He must feels good enough not to have you or your brother to visit at this time. Summer is soon enough.

        I hope your full-time coaching works out for you.

        Blessings and love to you, Debbie.

        Have a wonderful weekend, Miriam ❤

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh Hang, thank you so much! I appreciate you posting on my blog. 🙂 Each time I read your comments, I have a smile on my face.

      Have a beautiful Sunday, to you and your daughter. Will stop by very soon!
      Love,
      Debbie

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    1. Mary, thank you so much! He’s doing pretty well––his health is stabilized, and he is thriving with the attention. 🙂 I hope you’re doing well, and I’m sending you a lot of love. (As I write this, I have a big smile on my face.)

      Have a great Memorial Day weekend!!
      Love and Blessings,
      Debbie

      Liked by 1 person

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      1. Hi Debbie, I’m glad to hear that he’s doing better! It’s hard to see our parents age and face those challenges but with strength and faith we can guide them as best as we can. Blessings to you friend.❤️👍🌈

        Liked by 1 person

  10. I’m so sorry about your dad, and the situation you’re having to deal with.
    Seeing the situation as a way to heal old memories is such a powerful thing. Even though you can see that you’re not totally responsible for your dad, that you’ve done and are doing all that you can, that your thoughts of ‘if I’d done this then…’ aren’t realistic, it’s not easy to let them go. “Healing of memories”, that’s such a comforting, nourishing way to view it and something a lot of us probably would benefit from doing in some way. Finding the things to be grateful for can be incredibly helpful in the process. That’s a lovely photo of you & your dad  ♥

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    1. Thank you, Caz!

      Healing of memories is comforting, isn’t it? It’s one of the most profound keys I learned when studying at the University of Santa Monica––it’s riding the energy of “upset” back to an earlier time I felt that way. Talking to that younger part. Identifying the judgments, and forgiving myself for judging. And giving myself a new message now!

      I was just thinking about you yesterday. Thought you might enjoy this excerpt from a forgiveness interview I did for a cool podcast. The excerpt is on acceptance, and specifically how valuable it is as a foundation to forgive. You can listen here:
      https://www.dropbox.com/s/dequ9vorh7hf2nk/Acceptance.mp3?dl=0

      Have a great week, Caz. ❤
      Blessings,
      Debbie

      Liked by 1 person

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      1. Giving yourself a new message is an important step in the healing process. And thank you very much for the link – “acceptance of who I am”, your circumstances, the ways you’ve judged yourself, not feeling good enough or that you had a stable place in the world… such brilliant points to realise, to find those memories that need healing and the judgements that need forgiveness. Thank you for sharing it, Debbie  ♥
        Caz xx

        Liked by 1 person

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  12. Oh my. So timely yet so tough – the healing memories…. Reaching through the protective coating created for so long can be the toughest of all.
    I admire your courage.
    (and congrats on the new Mac – inspiring place to create!)

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    1. Thank you––on both counts. Courage is one of the first qualities that I put in an early affirmation, as I was getting started in personal growth work. And my Mac is incredible! I’ve been using it a lot in forgiveness work and is really helpful.

      My Dad is settled in a care home and seems happy. His health is stable. ❤

      So lovely to see you here. Feel free to stop by anytime, I'll be doing my next Forgiving Fridays probably this week! Blessings ~Debbie

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      1. Meg,
        I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. Sending you both much love.

        Have you talked to your inner girl about how she’s doing? For some reason, that came forward to ask you.

        Thank you for sharing, Meg. Be in touch anytime!
        Blessings,
        Debbie

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thank you, Debbie! My inner girl misses him so much. I see him in a lot of things. I would for him to appear in my dreams. It seldom happens.

        Liked by 1 person

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    1. Oh, wonderful! Thank you. I’m so excited to take a look at this. 🙂 I’ve been traveling and will read it either today or tomorrow.

      You are such a gifted writer and poet, and sharing your wisdom is a gift to all of us!

      Love,
      Debbie

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  19. First, I see a lot of you in your day. You both have the brightest smile. So sorry to hear about him though and the situation you have to deal with but the wonderful memories will bring forth healing. Sending you love and light. xxx

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    1. Etta D, thank you! Yes, my Dad and I have a big physical resemblance. I’ve done a lot of healing of judgments I had about him––and more importantly, how he mirrored qualities in ME that I didn’t like (which is really where my work was). You are a sweetheart, and I love that you contribute regularly for #ForgivingFridays. I’ll read your posts this week and highlight them in my next blog for sure! ❤

      Bless you, Etta. So glad for your presence here.
      Love and Light,
      Debbie

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    1. Amy, thank you. I’m so touched that you commented on this. Something about you is really wonderful. 🙂

      My Dad is doing well, he’s in a care facility now and his health is definitely stabilized.

      I really appreciate the learning it brought forward. When I coach, I often do it based on my own experience. This is powerful!

      I’m going to go have a visit to your blog now. I love your photography.

      Blessings to you.
      Debbie

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    1. He is stable, Bernice––thank you for your caring comment. I really appreciate it, and YOU.

      And, thank you for your compliment on my coaching practice. It’s truly a calling of the heart.

      Hope you are doing super well!! All the best to you, and excellent to hear from you. 🙂

      Blessings,
      Debbie

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  22. Debbie,
    I don’t know how I missed this posted until tonight. I am so sorry to hear that your dad is struggling. Good job bringing your memories to the light so that you can keep only the loving truth of your history and let go of the parts of the story that weigh you down with pain. Your forgiveness work is the way forward to loving yourself just the way you are. You are a beautiful soul.
    Take care,
    Ali

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    1. Ali, thank you! It’s so good to hear from you.

      So true that forgiveness is a key to loving who we are. My spiritual teacher J-R has a great quote, “It takes great courage to see the face of God because you first have to look at your own.”

      Beautiful, right? ❤

      And, I saw that you contributed to #ForgivingFridays––that's great! I'll have a look soon and will likely be posting my June blog this week. Blessings to you Ali, be well.

      Love and Light,
      Debbie

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  28. This reminds me so much of my own story. My Dad passed in an accident at work as I was 10 and I am an only child. I left Germany to live in the states after meeting my ex husband in Germany. Mom never forgave me and years later I had to learn tyt she took it as me leaving her behind.
    Last year I spent 10 month in Germany and had to place Mom first into short term and then long term care. She can’t walk and almost died twice at home until someone luckily found her in the nick of time. Her living conditions were similar with too much to mention and this was one of the hardest things I had to do.
    And I learned to forgive her as well. While she would leave no good hair on me and said horrible things, I had to meet her anger and contempt for me with love and faith and a heavy dose of forgiveness.
    Bless you.

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    1. I so hear you. Thank you for sharing your experience with your mom. I acknowledge you for putting her into a home – it sounds like that was not the easiest thing to do. So good to hear that you learned to forgive regarding what happened. And, if you’re not fully at peace with it, please feel free to email me. This is the kind of work I do with people, and it would be an honor to talk more (this would be a gift to you.)

      Either way, know that I honor your presence on my blog and appreciate your honesty and vulnerability here. You have a big heart!

      Blessings,
      Debbie

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      1. Thank you so much Debbie, this truly means the world and I will reach out if I need to. You are doing such a wonderful job of being a light to us all and you are appreciated beyond words. I would love to hear your input some day and will be in touch. Thank you for the offer, for taking the time and for simply being there. Your heart is equally as big and it is because of you and people like you who make things easier to bare and who make a difference each and every day.
        Much love and light to you, always.

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