Today’s Forgiving Fridays: Self-Forgiveness is Self-Liberation!

Posted on by Forgiving Connects

Hi everyone,

Happy #ForgivingFridays!

Since I’m doing Money Mondays every week, I decided to move this Forgiving Fridays series to once per month.  Feel free to contribute your own experience and stories on forgiveness and letting go. Simply tag this post & include #ForgivingFridays in your tags.

Below is an audio excerpt on this week’s blog topic, followed by my post + contributions for #ForgivingFridays from this past month!

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Here’s a 1-minute audio on this week’s blog topic on relationship—you may get valuable keys by listening!  (It’s from an interview with me on forgiveness for the “I’m Awake Now What?” podcast).  To listen, click on this graphic: 

 

 

 

 

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I had a beautiful experience of forgiveness just this past week.

My partner and I are checking out being together again.  (Yay.)  We were traveling this week for my birthday, and so we had a lot of togetherness time. 🙂

At one point during the trip, I sensed that he needed distance from me.  I was more open than the past to simply being ok with this, i.e., I don’t want to be with him all the time either!  And, I also had hurt feelings and an inner sense that he was “abandoning” me.  I gave myself all of these experiences—this was so important to be real with myself, and eventually to let go of the cause of my hurt.

Here’s a photo with me in Tucson at a local hotel we stayed at right before my birthday. What a great reminder that I can always get back in the saddle when I don’t want to forgive!  🙂

 

 

 

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The next morning, I went out for a run and did forgiveness.  I forgave myself for judging myself as unworthy of love.  I forgave myself for judging my partner as not loving me enough, and I really let go of the expectation I had on how he needed to love me.  This reaction came from an old belief I had that I wasn’t lovable, based on my experience with my Dad—which is something for ME to work out. (Good news is, I’d done a lot of work on this already, so I had a strong foundation here.)

As we were walking out to the car after my run, I felt a release inside of me.  That I needn’t put any residual upset I had with my Dad onto David, or blame either of them for what they do. They are doing the best they can.

This was so freeing, like an inner “click”!

I knew for a long time on the mental level that my upset is my responsibility and that when I am feeling hurt, it is simply an indicator that I have an unresolved issue inside of me to heal. In fact, this hurt is a gift for me to learn and replace outdated beliefs with ones that serve me better.

And, it’s a whole other thing to let go, to stop blaming people — David, my ex-husband, my Dad — for doing what they do. What helps me is to simply show up again and again to forgive and to hold for myself when I didn’t want to let go.  This honesty gives me the space to work my process and move on.

To forgive, there’s one additional piece—to forget what you judged in the first place.  To give someone the chance to “hurt” you again.  I’d read about this, and I have experienced it a few times, e.g., with the murder of my mom, with upset toward my Dad, with myself on how I treated my body.

Now, for one of the first times in my life, I truly experience this inside with a partner plus a deeper sense of self-love.

I’m not 100% sure where David and I are headed.  What I do know is that I am learning SO much, and that I’m willing to accept and love him and give him (and me) the freedom to be who we are.

That’s what I have for today!  A truly beautiful birthday blessing.

Have a wonderful weekend.

Love, Debbie

**This post is my contribution to Dutch Goes The Photo’s Roll and Trent’s Weekly Smile. Frank, I’m rolling with the learning of forgiveness and getting back in the saddle again! ***

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#FORGIVINGFRIDAYS POSTS FOR THE LAST MONTH:

Etta of Simply Etta D. did a weekly blog post – each one is beautiful and powerful!

Why Taking a Break is So Becoming of Who You are Meant to Be

Your Passion is Your Power

Celebrating Life

Failure, the Undesirable Thing that Leads to Success

Lorelle of A Mindful Traveller gave us a beautiful reminder to slow down and take a break in our lives and shares a photo collage of her travels where she did just that.  Thank you Lorelle!

DeB of Roaming Urban Gypsy contributed a beautiful sharing of her experience with letting go of the past and sharing her gifts as an artist.  And a great photo of her!!

Frank of Poetry, Short Prose and Walking  wrote a poem that captures both the pain of blaming and the hope of forgiveness – and a gorgeous photo to illustrate peace!

Ali of Flashlight Batteries contributed a poem that illustrates the incredible courage of forgiving after we “fall” and being bold in letting go and expanding upward. So inspiring!

Pragalbha of Infinite Living shared two posts: (1) a poem that elegantly describes relationships based on unconditional loving and (2) a process to help her release self-judgments and be more confortable with herself—it includes pausing to be still.  Beautiful!

Revived Writer wrote a poem on embracing new beginnings – and how no matter what is happening, joy is always present and being created anew.  Amazing writing!

idaughter contributed a beautiful haiku that demonstrates the gift of self-forgiveness and loving ourselves, even if it looks messy.  A first-time contributor – welcome!

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Here are the guidelines of #ForgivingFridays:  

  • Every day is Friday!  Do a post today or anytime this week.
  • Be creative – there’s LOTS of space for your expression! Write a poem, take a photo, post a quote, share your story …  what opens your heart?
  • Include #ForgivingFridays in your tags
  • Create a pingback link to this post so I can find you.
  • Have fun – you are awesome!

 

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41 thoughts on “Today’s Forgiving Fridays: Self-Forgiveness is Self-Liberation!”

  4. Happy Birthday Debbie! I hope your celebration was special! This post came at the right time for me! I’m healing from feelings over my dad leaving us when I was younger and they creep into my marriage as well, where I compare my dad to my husband. I’ve tried prayer, counseling, and lots of self reflection. Eventually I will conquer this battle! Thanks for sharing your journey!😃❤️

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    1. Hi Mary, I so hear you! I’m glad that this post came at good timing. It’s funny, when I wrote it, I had a feeling that I was writing it for someone else in addition to myself.

      I so acknowledge you for all you’re doing to support yourself! For me personally, the process of Self-forgiveness is the single most effective thing I’ve done. Mary, I’m happy to share with you what I do, if you’d ever like to talk. You can try out and see how it works for you—and it’s an amazing tool to add to your repertoire. 🙂

      If this sounds good, send me an email at info@forgivingconnects.com.

      And if not, that’s entirely fine! Either way, I’m sending you a big hug and love Mary. Love what you wrote and who you are.

      Blessings,
      Debbie

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      1. Good morning Debbie, I will keep your kind offer in mind and reach out if I ever need to. Thank you for your continued inspiration and kindness! I’m grateful for your blogging friendship and love to read your posts! God Bless you, 😍💕❤️

        Liked by 1 person

  5. It is wonderful that you and your partner David give each other space. Sometimes we each need our own space to do what we need to do and just be ourselves. That’s also one way to build trust in our relationships. Hope you had a good time away, and happy belated birthday, Debbie 🙂

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  7. What lovely happy birthday, so very rich in forgiving too. Blessings of loving and grace to you and David, wherever, however you move forward. It will only be good and Divinely blessed. Loving you both.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    1. Hi Anne, thank you! This is profound: “It will only be good and Divinely blessed”

      I am so glad that you’re here. You bring a spiritual perspective to my blog that is AWESOME!

      I love you.
      Blessings,
      Debbie

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      Reply

  8. Continued wishes galore in your birthday week dear Debbie! I am in awe of how you allow the process of forgiving and showing up in your relationships of past, present and future – and your willingness to share it with us. I can feel this process – I understand and live how relationships are about a continued renewal and showing up fresh – again and again. They are such an internal journey of our own becoming whole and clearing up for how they can evolve for the future. So much kindness and self compassion is involved – and you model that through your process of forgiveness deeply.

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    1. This is beautiful, Pragalbha. You have such a graceful way of writing, it uplifts me to read your comments each time you post on my blog. And, thank you for your contributions for Forgiving Fridays—they really make a difference!! I love what you wrote above, and one thing I’m aware of (and learning more and more each day) is that I’m already complete. Coming to relationships with this awareness is healing and powerful!

      Sending you blessings and a big smile, Pragalbha. Hope your kids are doing well. 🙂
      Debbie

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  10. Your story is so relatable. A lot of times, I judge myself as unworthy of love and/or get hurt because I think someone isn’t loving me enough. That’s definitely a sign that I have an unresolved issue, not that the person is a bad friend. I need to forgive my friends for not being perfect (I am blessed with wonderful friends!) and forgive myself for having problems.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    1. Yes, I so hear you!! I love how you realized that you have an unresolved issue, that’s a key part to forgiveness (in my experience). I actually have a great video on this — you may get a lot on how to work with yourself from watching it. Email me if you want to! My email is weloveyou@forgivingconnects.com.

      Whichever way, know that I’m entirely rooting for you! Thank you for your contributions to Forgiving Fridays. You have beautiful poetry.
      ~Debbie

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  20. Thanks for sharing this post.

    The part that spoke to me most is:
    “when I am feeling hurt, it is simply an indicator that I have an unresolved issue inside of me to heal. In fact, this hurt is a gift for me to learn and replace outdated beliefs with ones that serve me better”.

    What a great way to look at it and a good strategy for keeping free! I must remember this so I can apply it.
    Again, thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

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