Today’s Forgiving Fridays: A Big Lesson on How to Let Go

Posted on by Forgiving Connects

Happy #ForgivingFridays everyone! 🙂

This is a creative prompt for you to write a post on letting go and forgiving, or what happens when you do that.  You can do your post ANY DAY this week!

It can be anything that inspires YOU to choose love – or it can even be something you’d LIKE to forgive.  For this week, how about experimenting with letting go of judgment, e.g.: share a poem or photo, sing a song, or write a short story.  Go for it!!

My partner and I just got into a big argument.   I can’t think of a better place to be than writing my forgiveness blog, because I am so committed to use everything for my upliftment.  We are likely splitting up (not because of the argument, we’re just incompatible in a few ways.)

Firstly, he is such a beautiful guy.  I love him and am so grateful for the lessons I’m learning in this relationship!

There’s so much I could say.  For right now, I’d like to share a process I did with 3 questions to learn why I got so upset and help me make peace with myself.  I took the time to breathe, tune into my heart, ask these questions, and accept / forgive myself.  Here’s a video with what I did:

The 3 questions I used are:

What is a position that I am holding that is causing separation with another person? 

What would it look like if I were to let go of that position?

What would I do differently?

(Source: Loving Each Day for Peacemakers by John-Roger, p. 27)

❤

Our argument had to do with money. In this exercise, I realized that my partner was a perfect mirror for my Dad!  What my partner did that “upset” me really had very little to do with my partner.  It was a perfect opportunity to resurface old hurts I have about what my Dad did when I was a teenager.

My Dad didn’t pay for a lot when I was growing up.  I lived with my mom, and we struggled to make ends meet.  For me, he withheld money, and I felt unworthy and unlovable.  As a teenager, I remember feeling like I was playing a charade — I was abundant only when he visited, and I thought I had to act a certain way to get money and love. I was angry and scared to tell him that.  I focused on being a good student and daughter so I’d be “accomplished” and “worthy”. Whew.

Letting Go of the Past BuddhaI’ve already done a lot of forgiveness today. (You’ll hear a key one in the video!)  It’s so important to create a quiet space & forgive all the judgments….to be really good and kind and accepting with what’s present.

Teenage years are such a time of learning who we are and what’s aligned for us.  My situation was a lot for me to handle at that time! I did a great job exactly as I was then….and now. And no matter where my partner and I end up, I honor and respect him too.

This is such a healing of an old memory.  I am currently in the process of updating old beliefs around money (and love!).  Doing this can help me be more conscious in my relationships and is such a key part of the forgiving process.

This is really vulnerable for me to share.  And, being vulnerable and honest is such a key for forgiveness.

For me today, as I am writing this blog and sharing my process with you, I am cheering myself on. My heart is open, and I love myself a lot.

I love you!

Love,

Debbie

**This post is my contribution by Trent’s The Weekly Smile (smiling about an argument can be fun!), Sue Vincent’s Thursday #writephoto Hidden.**

❤

#FORGIVINGFRIDAYS POSTS FOR THIS WEEK (and some from last week too!)

Etta of Simply Etta D. shared a poignant reminder of the importance of forgiveness to get free, to move beyond the inner hurts, and to live in the present. Transformational to forgive – miracles happen!

Miriam of Out An’ About wrote a heartwarming post on accepting what is and taking one step at a time. Our thoughts become clearer, we have more peace of mind, and abundance flows freely. Wow!

DeB of Roaming Urban Gypsy contributed a series of her paintings that illustrate the power of creativity to open to the divine within, and great forgiveness. So beautiful!

Frank of Poetry, Short Prose and Walking wrote a poem on how empathy can help us forgive and turn walls into doors and see the fullness and beauty of who we all truly are.  Gorgeous!

Ali of Flashlight Batteries contributed a poem on how courageous it is to live every day in the truth inside, and the incredible power of empathy for those who do not understand. So inspiring, Ali!

Pragalbha of Infinite Living shared a poem illustrating a sacred embrace of humanity and that what’s seemingly opposite may in fact all be the same underneath — it is ALL love. Gorgeous!

Revived Writer wrote a poem on the great importance of opening our hearts to love, no matter what the outcome. This takes such courage and willingness.  Beautiful!

Kira of Eat.Create.Repeat gave us a story on how forgiveness is a safe road out of the judgments into who we truly are – free, forgiven, and completely loved.  A first time contributor – welcome!

Iain of Iain Kelly Writing gave us a great short story demonstrating that each of us has perspectives that may well be different — forgiveness is a powerful key to bridge this.  A first-time contributor, welcome!

 

Here are the guidelines of #ForgivingFridays:  

  • Every day is Friday!  Do a post today or anytime this week.
  • Be creative – there’s LOTS of space for your expression! Write a poem, take a photo, post a quote, share your story …  what opens your heart?
  • Include #ForgivingFridays in your tags
  • Create a pingback link to this post so I can find you.
  • Have fun – you are awesome!

 

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51 thoughts on “Today’s Forgiving Fridays: A Big Lesson on How to Let Go”

  1. Hi Debbie, I’ve not caught up with you in ages. That’s a really honest post and I can see what you’re saying. I think it’s often a the role of one on a relationships to conserve resources like this and is a cause of friction. But not always.
    It’s a shame that you can your partner are incompatible…

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    1. Simon, I’m so glad that you visited and commented. Yes, it’s interesting the role that relationships can take for each of us. In my experience, they are such great teachers for exactly what I need to learn. Thank you for being here! Blessings, Debbie

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  3. Debbie, you have posed some powerful questions. Questions have the power to help us see what we could not see before. Your authentic sharing will help others to see that forgiveness is a life process grounded in love.
    Thank you for sharing my poem.
    Have a beautiful weekend.
    Ali

    Liked by 4 people

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    1. God, Ali, I so appreciate you. It’s really true, forgiveness is a process grounded in love….It was so clear to share my own experience on this blog as a way to be vulnerable AND assist others in that openness. I love that you saw and witnessed this. Thank you, and thank you for your contributions. (I showed your latest one to a good friend, and he really liked it. ❤ )
      Blessings to you Ali. Keep shining your beautiful presence.
      Love and Light,
      Debbie

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  4. Debbie, thank you for your honesty and vulnerability. It gives others permission to do the same and as a result everyone who does can grow and heal, I believe. You’re brave and loving and I wish you many blessings.

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    1. Sheila, thank you! Yes I believe that you’re right. When each of us is honest and vulnerable, it gives other people permission to share just as deeply – and maybe even look at things that they weren’t able to before. I see you as incredibly brave, Sheila. Just read your contribution for this week, and it’s gorgeous!
      Blessings, Debbie

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  5. Money and Love in teen years are such core areas of growing up. I wonder if we ever learn our true value, unless we are fortunate and have a guide to assist us! And it seems we may never be short of something to forgive! I guess our work might b cut out for us. And then highlighted with gratitude as we receive the blessings of forgiving. What a grace-filled cycle. Loving you!

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    1. Anne, I love you! I appreciate you bringing up gratitude. It’s one of my steps to forgive and see through the eyes of love. What a gift that J-R has given us with the key of Self-forgiveness and knowing ourselves as love. Thank you for being here. Have a wonderful rest of your day! Bless you, Anne.
      Love and Light,
      Debbie xo

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  6. The problem with memories from our younger years is that we still tend to feel them through the eyes and heart of the child we were…and often struggle to view them with the greater wisdom of experience and empathy. Letting go of old hurts and resentments felt ‘then’ can change the ‘now’ so much…

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    1. You said it, Sue! One of the beautiful things about forgiveness is that it’s an avenue to look at these old memories with great empathy and compassion, and to update beliefs from childhood to ones that are more self-supportive. I’m so grateful for the opportunity to do this in my blog – it truly is a blessing! And so are you. 🙂 Thank you for your prompt, Sue.
      Debbie

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  8. It is tough when the end of a relationship is in sight and when arguments happen. I’m glad you can step back and think it through. Yeah, often our past creates our present and we tend to transfer from the people in the past to the people in the present. Thanks for sharing. I hope you have a good week ahead.

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    1. Thanks, Trent. And I have a lot to smile about, because I used the argument that we had to heal an old memory inside of me. There’s such freedom (and joy) in that. Blessings to you. Have a beautiful – and smile-filled – weekend! Debbie

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  9. I felt and sensed deep tenderness as I continued reading your post. You are right, this can be so very vulnerable to share. Yet the strength that is accessed from this place is incredible! I feel the power when we look the Truth in the eye and see it for what it is. I too realized long back none of my relationship struggles are about the other person. It is about how I perceive and what I hold within about my worthiness to receive. It is such profound awareness and takes courage & compassion to work through. It is difficult yet the results are always fulfilling. I wish you ease and joy for how life unfolds for you from here.

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    1. Pragalbha, thank you! I so appreciate your wisdom with relationship and how it mirrors what we most need to learn. You have such caring and it comes through your words like a big hug. ❤ Your contribution for this week is truly beautiful and Self-honoring. I wish for you an ever deeper expression of gratitude and joy.
      Blessings, Debbie

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  13. As a child I was Daddy’s little girl and my relationship though close when I was younger became rocky when I was a teenager.

    My Mom had schizophrenia was caused me to resent my Mother and even to feel shame and embarrassed by her behavior.

    My Dad was always trying to explain to me that Mommy was sick. However I couldn’t see the forest for the Trees. However my Dad became ill and died from colon cancer. This tragedy brought us together. By then Mom was on medication for the schizophrenia so we could have conversations. I asked Her about the things she did and she said, I was overwhelmed. From that one sentence a light went on in my head. We were able to get past all previous mother daughter conflicts.

    I’m glad that we were able to heal our relationship because three years later Mom died from pancreatic cancer. This poem is dedicated to her.

    https://dancingpalmtrees.com/2011/09/09/forgiveness-of-a-mother/

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    1. I am so honored that you shared the poem that you wrote in honor of your late mother! What a beautiful rendition of what healing a relationship can be. DeBorah, I acknowledge you for your willingness and courage to forgive and open to the grace of choosing loving. You are an inspiration to me. Thank you for being here and for this week’s contribution. Blessings and love, Debbie

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    1. Thank you! Honesty is so key in relationship, especially with ourselves. ❤ I so appreciate your comment and your beautiful poem for #ForgivingFridays this week. Your contributions are great – I look forward to them.
      Blessings,
      Debbie

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  20. It’s can be hard to recognize incompatibility when you care for someone. I think this is the first time I’ve read about your dad? I’m grateful you can recognize the situation mirrored your dad. It sounds like a lot of growth came from the realization? Anyway, I’m thinking about you.

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  21. Hi Debbie, this post brought me so much peace and your questions really made me think. I’m sorry for your hurting and the pain but it sounds like through all your remembering, there’s also healing in your acceptance and forgiveness. Thank you for sharing that with us. Your openness and vulnerability is also a huge strength and comfort to others. You’re a blessing xx

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  23. All I can say is WOW!!! Reading this stirred up some memories of my own. I see that our fathers were the same regarding money. My mom and dad were not married, he was married to someone else. Like you I felt I had to act a certain way, mostly jumping through hoops to get money out of him. A memory that stuck out was that time in High School when I needed money to pay for my O’levels. I cried myself to sleep the night before the deadline because I did not have the money, everyone else had already paid and kids at school were all speaking about how many exams they were taking, I felt left out because I didn’t have bragging right. I remember thinking that I didn’t get the money because I didn’t perform hard enough for him to give it to me. Finally it was my grandmother who make the sacrifice in putting off restocking her store to give me the money the morning before my getting on the bus for school. There was another pressure on, pressure to pass all my exams, after all my grandmother had made a sacrifice for it.

    But I had to forgive myself because I found myself being attracted to guys like my dad, guys that were bad with money. Also had to forgive myself for putting the needs of others before my own as I always felt guilty about putting pressure on my ex when asking for money to do stuff that benefitted both of us, like paying the bills or other stuff around the home. I too had to recondition myself in the way I think about money.

    I can’t say this enough, you are such a strong individual and I’m happy to have met persons like yourself and Roaming Gypsy (Deborah Palmer) on here. I’ve learned so much from the people I’ve met on here.

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    1. Etta, what a beautiful sharing. I really hear you regarding being attracted to men like your father, and how it felt when you received money from your grandmother for your exams. Money can bring up so much in regards to memories and judgments that need our attention — it’s so rich. I acknowledge you for forgiving yourself (and remember the key is forgiving the judgment, not the behavior. You didn’t do anything wrong.)

      I love you. So grateful for you, and for DeB also. I agree she’s amazing. Blessings to you Etta D!
      Love and Light,
      Debbie

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      1. Thank you Debbie. I’ve found that a lot old memories have been stirring up lately. Think it’s just another process for me in this phase for me at this point in my life.

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