Today’s Forgiving Fridays: It’s OK to Struggle

Posted on by Forgiving Connects

Happy #ForgivingFridays everyone! Yay! This is an opportunity for you to let go and forgive.  You can do your post ANY DAY this week! Anything that inspires YOU to forgive and choose love – even if you’re struggling.  e.g., write a poem, share a quote or video, do an act of kindness, forgive yourself or someone else. 🙂 I look forward to see what you do!

Today’s Forgiving Fridays is it’s ok to struggle.

This week, I spoke with a woman doing a forgiveness documentary about the murder of my mom. I shared a story that happened a few months before she died.

We were at a doctor’s appointment for her, where they had to put eye drops in her eyes. They told her there was a .00000005 % chance that something bad could happen as a result of the drops. She came back in the waiting room so that the drops could dilate her eyes.

As we were waiting there, she stressed out and said to me, “What happens if I die?” (My mom was mentally ill and a bit of a hypochondriac.) I responded, “Mom, if you die, that just means you’ll get to go to God quicker.” This really touched her, well I think it did anyway. I know it touched me.

My mom loved God, and the thought that I may have made her transition easier with what I said moves me beyond measure.

Photo credit for butterfly: My partner, David Sand. 🙂

Later on this week, a friend asked me if I forgave Jamie, the person who murdered her.  I don’t know if I have.  What I do know is that forgiveness for me is an act of faith, that underneath everything – no matter how much it seems bad or horrific – there is only the presence of love.

My mom would have been the first person who forgave Jamie.  Mom, I don’t know where you are right now, except that I know you saw through the eyes of love…and I am committed to do this in my life.

There’s one more piece that I’d like to share, and that is, it’s ok to struggle in the process of forgiveness.  It’s ok not to know how to forgive, or to see a way out.  I have found the greatest release when I say, “God I don’t know how to forgive.”  I’ve cried with anger. I’ve cried with not knowing.  I’ve cried with not feeling the love.  Somehow, this provides a space inside of me for the love to enter.

Photo credit on left: My partner, David Sand. 🙂

So hang in there.  Know that you are so supported.  Take one small step at a time to forgive.  Be gentle with yourself.  Miracles can happen inside of you.  There is Light at the end of the tunnel.

Mom, this post was for you.  I love you.

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I am SO SO grateful for all of you who contribute to Forgiving Fridays.  I learn so much from you!  Here are this week’s contributions:

Etta of Simply Etta D. gave us wonderful keys on how to create clear intentions, so we can live into our authentic selves and awaken to who we truly are.  Plus read Etta’s great example of hers!

DeB of Roaming Urban Gypsy contributed two creative posts!  The first is her acrylic painting on “watching the closing doors”, and the second is a collage of nature photos depicting loving what we judge.  Thank you, DeB!

Revived Writer contributed a poem that illustrates the freedom of forgiveness in such a unique way!  There is such great love in her post – I almost cried!

Frank of Poetry, Short Prose and Walking wrote a short story on gratitude and an older woman’s love for her sweetheart long ago. A heart-warming memory of embracing life!

Pragalbha of Infinite Living shared a personal story of a shift she went through in India, where she learned an incredible lesson on seeing everyone through the eyes of love. A great example of nonjudgment and forgiveness!

Nikki of A Kinder Way gave us an incredible encouragement to love ourselves, to value ourselves and to be really kind to ourselves. Plus a powerful quote to illustrate!

And in case you missed it…

Miriam of Out An’ About shared a beautiful post on embracing herself no matter how she’s feeling and allowing her dreams to come present.  Includes an original graphic on living in the moment!

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I’d like to end with a quote from a great book, Remembering the Light Within by Drs. Ron and Mary Hulnick.  It’s a great book on how to connect with the love inside of us and live from that place practically and using simple tools to get free:

“The French word for “wound”, blessure, has the same root as “blessing”. In this we find evidence of the Divine Perfection – and thus the Skill of Reframing Issues as Blessings. The very things that “wound” you are, in fact, the vehicles that when properly utilized become rungs on the ladder of your Spiritual Awakening, assisting you in realizing your Essential Nature – Divine Love.”

I love you.

Love,

Debbie

**This is my contribution to Frank’s photo challenge, Treat.  Frank, being with my mom in the last days of her life is a treat beyond measure.  I learned so much from her death, and I still am awakening to its gifts for me.**

 

Here are the guidelines of #ForgivingFridays:  

  • Every day is Friday!  Do a post today or anytime this week.
  • Be creative – there’s LOTS of space for your expression! Write a poem, take a photo, post a quote, share your story …  what opens your heart?
  • Include #ForgivingFridays in your tags
  • Create a pingback link to this post so I can find you.
  • Have fun – you are awesome!

 

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David Sand photography

46 thoughts on “Today’s Forgiving Fridays: It’s OK to Struggle”

  1. Such a brave, honest and raw post Debbie. It’s absolutely no surprise to me that you would struggle with forgiveness through all of this but it’s also clear that with little steps and slowly slowly you’ll find your peace. Your mum would want that for you. A beautiful post Debbie written from the heart. Blessings and love to you my friend. xx💙

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    1. Thank you so much, Miriam. Forgiveness is one step at a time, how beautiful the way you said that here. I really appreciate you, your wisdom and caring comes right through your comment! I have a feeling our moms may be connecting in love together. Have a great week, Miriam = and thanks for your sharings for #ForgivingFridays! Love, Debbie 💜💞

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  2. Oh my goodness, I definitely see Vulnerable as the ability to be blessed, as well as “wounded”. In fact, when I am in turbulence I usually remember to say to myself: Just around this corner will be a blessing – and there is! The blessings often show up as being greater then the “wounds”. But I think that is the way it is with God. God’s love is so much greater than our issues. Thankfully!

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  4. I think I can relate to this. It’s like understanding on a logical level that forgiveness would make a lot of sense and be a huge benefit to you. But the emotional end of actually doing the forgiving, well that’s much harder. Ultimately though, I think it is really important, to be honest with yourself about the process and struggling is part of that.
    Also, hi 🙂

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    1. Yes! That’s a great understanding of what I wrote, and surrendering (for me) is such a part of it. I’m so glad you’re here. Forgiveness is so important, and I love how you said that. I’m sending you blessings for each step of the way! Debbie

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  5. Wow, Debbie, this was a truly touching post. Thank you so much for your honesty. It’s hard to accept sometimes that we struggle with forgiveness. I know personally, I sometimes think I am the only one that feels like I don’t get it. Or can’t get quite there in some situations with forgiveness. These reminders are so beneficial.
    Thank you!! Love ❤ sent your way!

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    1. Oh Nikki, thank you for sharing this! I am so moved by your experience with feeling sometimes like you don’t get it, or can’t get there. ❤ I bet other people can relate to this, so glad that you wrote it here. You are such a blessing to my blog, do you know that? And I see you contributed to #ForgivingFridays this week -yay! I'll have a look at your post soon. And of course will share it on Friday! Much love, Nikki – Debbie

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    1. Oh Ali, this is incredible. I hear you that Self-forgiveness is – or can be – a struggle for you. You depicted it so well in your poem. One of the keys I use is a particular kind of Self-forgiveness, where we forgive ourselves for the judgment (rather than the behavior) and separate from our loving. This helps me open to Rumi’s field …. “Out beyond ideas of wrong-doing and right-doing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there.”

      Thank you for contributing this! One note for going forward: can you please use the link to an actual post? The reason is so that I can find your post. (If you link to my blog, I don’t get a notification of that.) Thank you!

      Many blessings,
      Debbie

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      1. Debbie, thanks for letting me know about my error in linking. I appreciate it.
        Forgiving based on judgement rather than behavior… that seems worthy of exploration. I will ponder this kind offering.

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    1. Thank you, Pragalbha, so much! You really bring such a gentleness and caring to my blog. I appreciate you. ❤ And I love what you said about seeing through the eyes of love. When I read your post for #ForgivingFridays this week, that's what I saw in what you wrote—you were seeing through the eyes of loving.

      Feel free to contribute to #ForgivingFridays anytime. You posts are enlightening, Pragalbha! And your sons are also welcome to join in with their poetry, or another post on what forgiving is for them!! 🙂
      Many blessings,
      Debbie

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  10. I had to come back to this several times. It was such a painful read because I never understood how one human being could take the life of another. Sending love and light to you Debbie, hard as it may be, forgiveness sets us free from the bondage of that hurt that festers in our heart. ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

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    1. Etta, I hear you and am so glad you shared your struggle with violence. I really appreciate what you’re sharing. To me, expressing honestly and with caring and consideration for others is SUCH a key to healing.

      I’m loving you from my apartment in LA, which is where I’m typing this. 🙂 Be in touch anytime. Thank you for the love and Light, Etta. So thankful for your contributions to my #ForgivingFridays blog — they are enriching to me! Love and Light, Debbie

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  12. What an achingly beautiful love letter to your Mom…thank you for sharing the word “struggle”, it’s a word that I often forget about when I feel the loss of synchronicity and ease in my world…right now, I’m on the other side at the moment! Take good care, Debbie, and keep on loving…

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    1. Oh Kimberlee, I’m so glad this post helped you! And thank you for the love in regards to my mom. I appreciate that, and you, greatly. Have a wonderful, blessed rest of your week. Feel free to be in touch anytime (weloveyou@forgivingconnects.com) Love, Debbie

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  14. Debbie this was a beautiful note to remind both you and your mom of a cherished love and…that we are all human. No doubt she looks down on you and says….dang it..I did a great job with that one. Smile. Thank you for always being real and honest in your blog. Love that about you. Donna.

    Also I love the photo of you under the tree. There is such a strong message that comes from it. Nice job, David.

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    1. Donna, thank you! I read this and got a huge smile on my face. No doubt my mom would have said that!
      You know, when I think of her, I see sunshine. She used to love saying, “You are my sunshine” and “You made my day”. For some reason, I felt called to share that with you.

      David is an exquisite photographer, that photo of me under the tree is one of my favorites. He’s masterful. (can you tell I love his work?)

      Have a wonderful weekend, Donna. Many blessings to you!
      Debbie ❤

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      1. I am so glad you shared that with me. I sing “you are my sunshine” to my grandchildren all the time, so someday, they too will generate the feelings you speak of. And I think your mom and I might be cut from the same cloth. I find “someone” once a day that I can say “you made my day”. Hugs, Donna

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    1. Lacey, I’m so glad! You are such a sweetheart. I love you too. Sending light blessings to you and your entire family. Looking forward to seeing what your kids create this week in your (awesome) Week In Review post.

      Have a beautiful weekend – and you’re always welcome to email me Lacey, anytime!
      Love,
      Debbie 🙂

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  17. Thank you for sharing this story of your Mum, I cannot imagine what you will have been through emotionally. Even being able to contemplate forgiveness is a huge step when your life has been torn apart in such a way. I wish you well with your blog and with your own journey. I will certainly think more forgiving thoughts and may participate in ‘forgiving Friday’ at some point. Take care, Karen x

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