Happy #ForgivingFridays everyone! Yay! This is an opportunity for you to let go and forgive & post about it ANY DAY this week! See guidelines below. ❤ You can post whatever inspires YOU to forgive and choose love. Maybe it’s a poem, or a photo or inspiring quote, or you can share a leap of faith like I did.
Today’s Forgiving Fridays is Taking A Leap of Faith.
As you may know, I have a 3-step tool to help me do forgiveness: (1) Self-forgiveness; (2) Letting Go; and (3) Gratitude.
Today, my focus is Self-forgiveness for how I was in my marriage. I’d like to let go of blaming myself for how it went, and fear around being loved.
My ex-husband is an amazing man. Full of loving, and he gave it to me at a time when I really needed it. See, I met him in my 20s, I was drinking and doing bulimia. Funny that this is the first thing I write, because what was really happening had little to do with the alcohol and food.
I was so scared to love. I didn’t know how to be in relationship and openly give and receive with a partner. And THAT is what I want to highlight today – the compassion and love that I am bringing to myself for how scared I was (and sometimes still am) to love.
As I write this, I’m smiling, because it is such a perfect time to let this go! OK, so here we go:
I just found a photo when we were getting married. I was walking down the aisle in my white dress and holding a bouquet of red roses. I stopped half-way down, and he was going to meet me there and walk me the rest of the way. I remember standing there scared that he wouldn’t come.
During our marriage, the fear continued. It was so hard for me to believe that anyone could love me in any kind of stable way, and I acted in some ways that I’m not proud of.
Funny thing is, I really grew up in that relationship. I went to a wonderful program called “spiritual psychology” and learned, among other things, how to love myself and forgive myself for my judgments. I was able to create a safe space inside for the first time to listen to myself.
The greatest thing about judgment is that it can show us the very next thing to love – sometimes years after the fact! I really love myself, and I didn’t realize exactly how scared I was (and in some ways, still am) to love and be loved by a partner. Here we go:
I forgive myself for judging myself for blaming myself in my marriage. I forgive myself for judging that part of me who just wanted a stable home. I forgive myself for judging myself for feeling so scared to love and be loved.
Maybe the Universe brought my ex-husband to me, in part, so that I had an experience of what it’s like to have someone really love me and to learn how to show up in that kind of relationship. And maybe I brought my ex exactly what he needed to learn and grow. In fact, I know it!
This is one of those blogs where I needed to write the whole thing to get clear – I went back and edited numerous times as I realized what was really going on. 🙂 And I’m so glad I stayed with it because I’m getting free.
I am SO SO grateful for all of you who contribute to Forgiving Fridays. I learn so much from you! Here are this week’s contributions:
Etta of Simply Etta D. gave us a wonderful post (and very sweet photo) with an invitation to listen to that inner voice of courage … great illustration of forgiveness and standing in love. Bless you, Etta! ❤
DeBorah of Roaming Urban Gypsy shared a gorgeous photo collage illustrating the beauty and wonder of stones and how this helps her to experience solidity and healing – thank you, DeB!
Revived Writer gave us a wonderful rondelet on letting go of old thought patterns and creating space for love. (A rondelet is a repetitive poem, a format she chose on purpose – so creative!) J
Lady Nimue of Prats Corner was inspired to write a poem on letting go of an old relationship and opening to the healing love of forgiveness. A first-time contributor – welcome!
Gabrielle of Bone & Silver contributed a reflection on the importance of acknowledgment and forgiveness in moving forward as a culture. What if we truly listened to each other? Gabrielle, many blessings!
Frank of Poetry, Short Prose and Walking contributed a simple and profound ghazal (a poem with repetitive stanzas) on the beauty of birds’ flight, and more. He expressed such compassion and encouragement into his simply seeing them, without a camera in hand.
Miriam from Out an’ About wrote a post on living our dreams, and living outside the lines. She includes so much wisdom, in her words … her quotes … and an amazing song! Thank you, Miriam. 🙂
Kathy of K E Garland gave us an exquisite post on the exquisiteness of self-love and invites us to answer, “How do we love ourselves?” And she’s going to highlight responses. Check it out (beautiful).
Manuel of emotionsoflife2016 has an amazing blog with poetry, quotes and other unique examples of his self-expression. He contributed a fantastic quote on simplicity for #ForgivingFridays – welcome!
And in case you missed it from last week: 🙂
Pragalbha of Infinite Living gave us two exquisite posts – the first is reflections on how to be in a healthy relationship & the second is a poem on opening to the grace of her unique self-expression …. with such caring and joy.
Nikki of A Kinder Way wrote a post on a new exercise program that really works for her. She stayed committed when she could have given up — and found a fun & balanced way to love herself. Go Nikki!
I’d like to end with a magnificent Rumi quote. As we step into this day, love is meeting each of us half-way. How cool is that?!
I love you.
***This post is my contribution for The Daily Post’s Beloved and Frank’s Challenge, Decay. Frank I found it was time to take a leap of faith and let go of an old fear that was so old it’s decayed! This is so freeing – thank you ever so much!***
Here are the guidelines of #ForgivingFridays:
- Every day is Friday! Do a post today or anytime this week.
- Be creative – there’s LOTS of space for your expression! Write a poem, take a photo, post a quote, share your story … what opens your heart?
- Include #ForgivingFridays in your tags
- Create a pingback link to this post so I can find you.
- Have fun – you are awesome!!