Today’s forgiving journal: Opening my heart to family

Posted on by Forgiving Connects

Today’s forgiving journal is about opening my heart to family.

I’m currently staying at a place that’s like community living.  It’s really gorgeous, and it’s also bringing up a lot of old judgments around family.  Specifically about not feeling worthy to be loved and to be a part of the family.

I remember being a kid and feeling pretty ugly, and stupid, and a little off to the side, like there was something wrong with me.  And tonight, we had a tree trimming party, and I had some of the same memories coming up – like I am still that kid who doesn’t quite fit in, and it’s laughable that I try.

The thing is, when I was a kid, maybe I didn’t know better that I was worthy of love.  I do now.

Time for forgiving:

1 – I forgive myself for judging myself as unworthy of love.  I forgive myself for judging myself for needing to get the Christmas balls exactly right so that I can stay at the party. I forgive myself for feeling separate and lonely for the love that everyone else seems to have.

2 – I let go of all these judgments, and all the memories of past hurts and griefs and losses, into the Light, and I give myself a humongo hug and say, “I love you Debbie!!”

3 – I am grateful for being so aware of my process of judging and what goes on inside of me about that. I am grateful for having a family at my new home!  I am grateful for standing up inside and saying I am worthy of love.

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When I was a little girl, I used food as a way to hide from myself and opening my heart to family. I could have done that tonight, and I didn’t.  Instead, I chose to give my little kid love best I could and to take my place in our family by simply connecting with love and a smile.

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I don’t know exactly how to end this one so I’ll just say, I love you.

Love,
Debbie

 

31 thoughts on “Today’s forgiving journal: Opening my heart to family”

  3. We’re so hard on ourselves aren’t we Debbie. But I’m glad to hear you’re being kinder to yourself. It’s so important. I send you a big warm hug and lots of loving wishes. Take care xo

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  4. WOW! This is deep. It’s amazing all the things we remember as a kid and how it shapes us as we get older. I pray you continue to forgive and love. Because your “light” is amazing.

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  6. I feel like the odd man out with certain groups of people. I stay away from those people mostly and spend time with others who love and accept me. Yes, forgive yourself and love who you are. Sending blessings to you, love Mary

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  10. Debbie, I like how you showed, in a simple way, how easily we sometimes slip into a judgment about ourselves. It’s so important to reflect and recognize these types of behaviors. Light and love to you in your new experiences.

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